Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paulcockayne3@gmail.com
Welcome to my counselling blog. You can find more information about me by clicking one of the links at the top of this page
As a child, I used to enjoy “join the dots” puzzles; I liked the way the picture would gradually emerge, and would enjoy the challenge of working out what was represented as soon as possible.
As a counsellor, I still do “join the dots” puzzles, but they are of a rather different nature.
When people come to counselling, they will often be hoping to improve their self-awareness in order to help them understand why they behave as they do, or why they want the things they want, or to help them make an important decision. Sometimes people will say that they’ve done something that’s “just not me” – an angry outburst, an affair, an impulsive decision. They may be seeking to ensure that they don’t repeat that behaviour, and understanding why it happened is usually a very important part of that.
When people start counselling, often they will bring me dots. They will talk about memories, incidents, experiences which have been part in their lives – isolated events or thoughts – maybe people who have been important to them. There may be many such dots, scattered randomly, apparently unconnected. What picture will we see once the dots are connected?
In join the dots puzzles, of course, the dots are numbered, the route is signposted. Follow the path and you’ll get a picture – a picture that is predetermined by the puzzle setter. In counselling, however, the dots are not numbered. There are potentially many different ways to join them up, and therefore many different pictures that can be formed. What is the best way to join the dots, the way that makes most sense to you? Which dots are relevant, and which can be ignored?
As a counsellor, I have done a lot of these puzzles, and so I can offer my experience in helping you to join the dots. I can enable you to explore in a constructive way, with suggestions about which dots are likely to connect. Which experiences have influenced your behaviour, your decisions, your priorities? Suppose we join up these dots in this sequence – are we are starting to make a picture?
But while I have a lot of experience in joining dots, I don’t have the answer – I don’t know what the final picture ought to look like. So just as you might need my guidance to help you to join the dots, I will need your guidance in deciding whether a particular sequence feels right to you. Does it ring true?
We can draw many different pictures from the dots you bring. We can explain things in many different ways. But it’s important to remember that whatever pictures we might draw, they are about you, and they belong to you. Only you can say which of the pictures you like, which of them make most sense to you.